A Sign-off of 2024

Pictured Work "Faeus Specimen" illustration challenge submission © E N Dawson June 2024

Overall my two thousand and twenty four was much of a year for celebration. I had planned out the year to start seriously creating a body of work in preparation for upcoming conventions and competitions. I had completed some commissions and had other small projects underway, with a Kickstarter anticipated for June. I was optimistic. 

This all fell apart in July. I was already incredibly stressed out having taken on a significant added load of work at my corporate day job, and the project I was looking forward to did not go into motion until the end of the season, when I got sick. I've been ill before, significantly ill, and went through covid just like any other person. This time it was relentless. I took a little over two months off work, returning at odd intervals before crashing once again and struggled through pneumonia. I exhausted all my annual and sick leave, and also took time off without pay. 

Three days after I first got sick, I went into the office to collect my work laptop so I could work remotely. On the way back, I received a call from the Real Estate to say our lease would not be renewed the following month, so for the duration of infection my partner, cat and I had to relocate. Savings weren't depleted but they took a hit, and with rent rising rapidly it's been a rough time.  

Once in the new location, I had seen a doctor and was prescribed antibiotics I had taken previously. This time however my body just gave out and I had an adverse reaction to it. I was holding on to the earth in pain, reeling while my throat closed up and my face and hands went beet red and swollen. I crawled into the shower waiting for either the heat in my head to ease or my heart to slow down. My throat eased but I couldn't call out, so I thought to call my partner for help. My phone was by the bed, so I crawled to it and called my partner. It took a couple of goes before he answered, when I in the smallest strained voice I've ever heard from myself told him I needed help and he came up to meet me. 

Pragmatic as always, he had me explain the series of events as he had someone collect us and drive us to the nearby urgent care center. Meanwhile my body broke out in hives and full body shivers and this went on until well after were in the clinic. The triage nurse brought me in and said through her observation a component of the antibiotic I had taken can cause a reaction with some people, and she treated me while we waited for the doctor. I didn't enjoy him, nor my local doctor when I returned and informed him of the reaction, at which he got very defensive about. I slept like the dead afterwards.

When I returned to work, I was incredibly frustrated by the lack of support. I was openly indignant at how poorly my work load was managed. Staff turnover has been insanely frequent, and leadership is lacking. it had been a cumulating problem. I currently find myself spread thin across several departments and unintentionally siloed into doing work that is in the too-hard basket for everyone. It was a tough recovery period as I relapsed in and out of taking absences while getting on top of everything. Things are supposed to be changing this year, so I am trying to be optimistic again. 

I did reluctantly write to the publisher for the Kickstarter to withdraw from the project, and refunded the deposit. I had lapsed in communication on a couple of requests at the same time - I've since written follow-ups to all but there's no surprise that these didn't go further. 

The sudden halt in momentum, the impending AI spread, the crushing workload and very slow recovery meant that I just stopped creating. I found my being weak and weary was affecting my attempt at painting. Aside from drafts I've deleted out of frustration, the above piece was the last compete piece I made in 2024. And I'm glad it was, as it was very cathartic to make. 

I will eventually start painting again, however slow the journey. I am grieving what my year could have been, and resent my situation. But, I can only keep moving forward and seize opportunity when it is available to me. For now I am concentrating on my health and immediate happiness.